if you’ve seen me in person in the last month, and asked a simple question like, “how are you doing?” you’ve probably seen me burst into tears.
i seriously don’t know what’s wrong with me! well, yes i do, i have absolutely no control over anything in my life, and i’m emotional wreck. i’ve never been this emotionally unstable. i would even say i’m a generally strong person. i’ve always been great at holding it together for everyone else, bearing burdens, dealing with them myself on my own and living happily in front of everyone else.
so i’m terribly sorry for freaking everyone in my life out.
and even though it’s completely involuntary, i’m so thankful that i’ve been able to be vulnerable.
i was telling bryan yesterday afternoon (as we were sitting outside on our picnic table because it was 80 degrees and AWESOME!) that i have felt SO. ENCOURAGED. AND. UPLIFTED. by everyone in my life. and i mean everyone. my dearest friends and family who read this blog and are certain i’m going insane have been so willing to let me burst into tears all over them even if i haven’t seen them in months. my connection group and the veritas staff who have watched me completely melt down about all the stress in my life. even just all the veritas people i’ve interacted with over the last few weeks (which is a TON of people, because we have so much going on right now) have constantly been reaffirming how great everything is going.
all of this has made me cry all the more and at the same time has been absolutely essential to my sanity. so thank you.
and i want to say it’s over, that i haven’t been bursting into tears as often and that i’m back to my normal, don’t-worry-i-can-handle-everything-and-be-wonderfully-happy-all-the-time self. but i’m afraid i’m on the verge of tears right now just thinking about all the compassion and support i’ve been shown over the last month. so i’m sorry, but i’m not quite over the crying phase of my life. this is just the new normal for me, crying about everything. i hope you’re okay with it. because even though it makes you really uncomfortable, it’s actually been really good for me to rely on other people.
thanks for listening, i hope to continue to find time to write out my feelings but also update you about more than just my emotional instability.