Ah. It’s good to be back. Although, I’m not making any promises that I’ll be writing frequently or anything until July-life is a little crazy right now!

We are moving to Iowa City. It’s actually happening. I’ve had this month planned for so long and I keep rehearsing it over and over that in my mind-this month is already over. Every single time I’ve looked at the date I keep thinking, It’s only the 14th? It’s weird.

It’s dragging by, yet, there is so much to do. I think that may be way it’s dragging by-because my days are so full, they last a little longer than normal.

I haven’t been to Cornerstone in 4 weeks. We’ve been in Iowa City almost every weekend. I thought I’d be holding on tighter, but I seemed to have let it go pretty easily.

I’m sorry, I’m in an emotional writing mood, so this blog post already sounds a little emo. I get this way sometimes, when everything seems a little darker than it is or should seem. I don’t know why I feel that way now, but I do. Maybe it’s a side-effect of the moving process.

My mind is wandering. I have too much to write about. I’ll write it all out sometime. Until then, I just want to share the most recent impact on my life:

We went to Walmart in Iowa City on Friday night to pick up a few gallons of paint and some supplies. It was around 10 at night, so we expected the normal quality of service of the employees who were working the crappy shift-at Walmart nonetheless.

A little background, I’ve been learning to slow down lately-especially when I’m shopping. I can get so focused on the most efficient routes and plan of action that I can be rude-either to Bryan if he’s with me or to the employees helping me. It’s been very, very good.

I don’t know what it was, but I walked out of Walmart feeling so blessed I could cry-in fact, I am crying now (I told you I was in an emotional mood. It happens.). We had the most attentive guy mix our paint. From filling in the little swatch circle on the paint can precisely, to dotting the paint swatch and blow-drying it dry so that I could see that the paint matched the swatch color exactly. Yes, it took a considerable amount of time-but I was so put at rest knowing that my paint was the perfect pearl gray that I’d hoped for. He was so kind and patient and detail-oriented. I was blown away-I wish I would have caught his name.

We encountered another nice man who pointed us directly to the Raid Ant Killer Spray, with a smile and a laugh.

But the lady who checked us out-she is what is bringing me to tears right now. She was a true and absolute blessing. I’m almost positive her name was Caroline, but you can bet I’ll be frequenting that Walmart more this summer just so I can be around her more. Wow.

My sinful nature tugged at me as we got into her check-out lane and I realized she was asking the man in front of considerate questions. She was taking a long time and he looked a little annoyed that she was keeping him by asking, “Are you sure I can’t help you find anything else?” I wanted to get to work, and I hoped she would check us out a little faster then the man in front of us.

But no, she was just as kind and considerate to us, and my heart melted as I began to adore this sweet woman scanning my items. She asked us how we were doing tonight, and she looked into our faces for an answer, because she really wanted to know. She was efficient, but carefully scanned each items so that she could see if we had any other needs. She really did want to know if she could get anything else for us-she asked if we wanted to get batteries for the flashlight we got. Her exact words were, “I just don’t want you to get all the way home and realize you don’t have any batteries!” She meant every word.

By the time we had paid, and she was telling us to have a great night, my heart was a complete puddle. I told her, “You have been absolutely wonderful, thank you!” and she replied, with a cute excitement in her voice, “Well, you, you have been AWESOME!”

I couldn’t stop talking about her all night. I think Bryan thought I was acting strange, but something about her selfless, servant-heart really made me think about how selfish I am most of the time. And by God’s grace, Caroline was the perfect picture of what I had just read in my latest read, Lies Women Believe.

I’ll end with this excerpt:
“How often have we heard someone say, “I’ve never liked myself,” or “She just can’t love herself.”? According to Scripture, the Truth is that we do love ourselves-immensely. When Jesus tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves, the point is not that we need to learn to love ourselves so that we can love others. Jesus is saying we need to give others the attention and care we naturally give ourselves.
“We are constantly looking out for ourselves, deeply sensitive to our own feelings and needs, always conscious of how things and people affect us. The reason some of us get hurt so easily is not because we hate ourselves but because we love ourselves!
“The fact is, we do not hate ourselves, nor do we need to learn how to love ourselves. We need to love how to deny ourselves, so we can do that which does not come naturally-to truly love God and others.
“Our need is not to love ourselves more but to receive His incredible love for us and to accept His design and purpose for our lives.”
-Nancy Leigh DeMoss
Lies Women Believe
Pages 70 & 71

I have a date with my laptop tonight, I shall be blogging as many of the 10,000 blogs I’ve meant to blog over the past MONTH. So much to write about, so much to catch you up on-so much has been happening!

I am excited.

Get excited!

*See* you tonight!

Tuesday night, I wrote a blog about the first non-fiction book I’ve ever finished. Wednesday night, the author of that book read my review of her book. SO COOL! In her comment, she offered to send me a free copy of her book to give-away to one of my blog readers (go here and enter to win by Sunday night!). Again, SO COOL! I emailed her about details and yesterday she replied by telling me that she had just read my blog on budgeting, so she thought she’d help by waiting for me to choose a winner, and ship the book directly to them. SO STINKIN’ COOL!

It’s been a fun week for this girl in the blogging world.

On a similar note, I wanted to remind myself of the books I really want to read by the end of March:

I really enjoy blogging. I love writing. I love sharing about our lives and marriage and journey. And it’s totally therapeutic for me to take time to digest things by writing it out.

But I ran into a problem with blogging this past month: I don’t want to be a “Ranter.”

I personally become so burdened and bogged down after I read a particularly negative anything (blog, facebook status, etc.) written by anyone (friend or not).

Frankly, for me, this past month has been full of hard things, and I haven’t had many positive things to say. But I didn’t want to bog myself, or anyone reading my blog down with all the negativeness.

Hence, I haven’t been blogging much.

I want to stay positive, even in the blogosphere. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to fake a happy attitude, but in my heart I know that even negative things are really good. I know that everything in my life is part of the journey of life and more specifically part of my spiritual growth.

I told one of my good friends that the recent weeks of my life have been ones in which God seems to be tearing me apart. It hurts, but I know its a good hurt. He desires to put me back together His way. This Anthem Band lyric has been speaking loud and clear to me:

“Destroy our hearts so we can recover.”

(From, “Take the Day.” thanks Ryan Seiler)

But don’t despair, I think I’m on the mend from all the construction God’s been doing in my life. I’ve been learning so much from Him and changing in ways that I really didn’t want to. : )

And I have a lot to say about it too! More blogs are coming soon from the Alsbury home!

i confuse myself. a lot. i’m constantly in conflict between the way i am, the way i want to be and the way i was raised. so, today, i felt like figuring out why i’m so confusing to…myself. maybe this will help you understand me too.

i’m an ESFJ in myers-briggs lingo.

here are some descriptions that i particularly connected with:

“…They have a strong need to be liked, and to be in control. They are extremely good at reading others, and often change their own manner to be more pleasing to whoever they’re with at the moment…

“…They may have a strong moral code, but it is defined by the community that they live in…

“…An ESFJ who has developed in a less than ideal way may be prone to being quite insecure, and focus all of their attention on pleasing others. He or she might also be very controlling, or overly sensitive, imagining bad intentions when there weren’t any…”

the above quotes basically answer all my questions about me. no wonder i’m so confusing! these words were written about me! i’m sooooo influenced by those around me. i’m like a permanent junior higher. crap.

“…All ESFJs have a natural tendency to want to control their environment. Their dominant function demands structure and organization, and seeks closure. ESFJs are most comfortable with structured environments…“

i guess you can probably tell why i’m so great at my job. it involves high control, organization and structure. hmmmm…sound like any one we know?

“…ESFJs respect and believe in the laws and rules of authority, and believe that others should do so as well...This tendency may cause them to sometimes blindly accept rules without questioning or understanding them…”

oh my word, this one cut deep! just ask bryan about the time we were rollerblading and were about to go on a trail until i saw a sign that said “no wheels.” i completely refused to go.

“…ESFJs are people persons – they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others…”

this very much describes my optimism in people, i have a lot of faith in people. sometimes that is good and sometime i get disappointed.

even though i’ve known about myers-briggs personality stuff since i was a kid, it’s never really affected me that much until now. for some reason, today, it was really beneficial to read the descriptions of who i am. and knowing who i am helps me see what i specifically want to change, or rather, ask God to change.

i think my personality will probably be about the same but i’d like to ask God to change my heart in the following ways:

i want to be less controlling. nobody likes to be controlled (there goes my people-pleasing sensor) but more then that, i know it’s not my job to play “god.” please, God, help me to trust you and not myself. change my heart and allow me to be led by you and also by my husband.

i desire to be more confident and not so insecure. it is very true that i can easily take things too personally and focus all my attention on pleasing others. this part of me has really wounded me and i’m more insecure then i want to be. this also relates to the moral standards quote. please, God, help me to be confident in all that you have revealed to me by your word. help me to love freely and not hold back because of my own insecurities. you are my rock and foundation, whom shall i fear?

sorry for the somewhat me-centered post, but i’m actually really refreshed by all of this. praise God for simple refreshement!

*for the source of the above quotes, go here.

this is long over due, but i wanted to finally share one of the super fun products of my bachelorette party. the awesome girls who blessed me with such a fun party thought of the great idea to tye-dye some clothes because of bryan’s “hippie” nature. here are the long awaited results:

krystal made these socks:

i got to do the shirt!

this is the most comfortable nightshirt EVER!

thanks girls!

MY HUSBAND.

ok, i know that was an easy one, but seriously, could i be any more blessed?

something i especially love about bryan today (as each day there seem to be new things to love about him) is that he allows me to give freely. a lot of times he even stretches me to give more. a few examples of this come to mind…

i tend to be a “bite off more then i can chew” type of person. at least half the time, because we’re married and all, he gets roped into my next and newest BIG idea. almost all of the time, he has a better attitude about it then i do! we a moment like this last week. i volunteered us for something i should have thought about a little more and bryan was such a trooper. he is sooooooo gracious to his wife.

also this week, i asked him if we could help someone out in a very small way. it wasn’t anything big, just a very minor inconvenience to us. what did bryan say? he not only agreed with such a happy heart but he also gave me a way to help them in an even bigger way! so fun!

also this week, i forgot to ask bryan if i could spend some of our money on a friend. its not like bryan would be livid at this anyway, but we really try to check we each other on everything, especially in this massive pay-off debt season we’re in. but rather then being frustrated with me, he celebrated with me that i found a great sale and wanted to give the result to my friend. i love his generous heart.

i love my husband. yes i do!