ugh. goals.


i don’t think that having new year’s resolutions only because you feel pressured to have them is really the point. but that’s a little how i feel this year. last year i was all bursting at the seams to tell you how awesome i was going to be last year and how much i was going to get accomplished.

and i am really okay with the fact that i didn’t complete most of those things. i wasn’t lying.

but i would be lying if i pretended that i actually had goals for my life right now.

crap, this post is about to be long. so how about i make it a “choose your own adventure” type thing? okay, done. you can read any one of the following endings to this post:

there you go, four posts in one day. and you thought i was slacking, didn’t you.

the boiled down version of new year’s resolutions


so far, 2012 has been about surviving for me. surviving at work, surviving at home, surviving life. it totally sucks, really. i don’t want to just survive life. i want to own life, like really, own it. i want to wake up and tell life what it’s gonna be today.

but alas, life has been so busy that i’ve had to resort to survival mode. it happens, you know? usually in january, too. i mean what the heck.

while everyone else in the world has started (and many have already failed) their new year’s resolutions already. i’m staying ahead of the curve because i haven’t even thought about my new year’s resolutions. boom, roasted.

really, if i had time to actually think about my goals for life at this point, it would really boil down to the one sentence answer i have had time to think about. be awesome at life. that’s really what goals are anyway, the means to the end of being awesome at life.

so that’s what i’ve got for you people, four words. be awesome at life. january is over today, but that’s all i’ve got. i don’t have a list, a plan or even made up statistics for you, maybe someday, after survival mode has hit.

blogging about my life


i so admire mommy-bloggers who set all of these goals for themselves and accomplish them every week. but it also make me feel like crap because usually one of my only goals for the week is just to blog. does that stink or what?

but i’m really not complaining. i love reading about other peoples goals and i more often feel inspired than like crap. i think it just gets me caught in a war with myself. and blogging can make it worse at times.

there is a certain expectation that comes with blogging, i hold myself to higher standards because i blog about my life. it’s really good for me and i fall short in many ways to my own standards. and you actually get to see that.

it makes failing even scarier, because i have an audience. and i choose to have an audience. i pour my freaking heart out to you people! i’ve shared a lot of my life on here. you know that i was born at home. you know many details about our finances. you know certain organizations we give money to. you know that i set goals and fail them, very often.

and if i’m being frank, i think that’s why you keep reading. you want to know what my life is like. i’ve got you hooked with my witt and charm and failures.

so what’s the balance? how do blog about my life without boring you to death or straight-up lying? how do i blog without setting impossible standards for myself? how do i blog about the realities of life with out complaining or being super annoying or super unrealistic?

honestly, i actually think i’ve actually done a pretty good job of balancing all of these things in 2011, and i’m toasting to 2012 for an even better year of blogging for all our sakes! but the bottom line is, don’t judge me for being an entire month behind on setting goals for myself.

blogging is a funny sport


there are good bloggers and notsogood bloggers, but was does it really matter if you’re good or no good? sure you could be making some money, but it’s not like it’s your livelihood. sure you could have a million readers, but if your family likes seeing all those cute pictures of your kids, that’s the main goal, right?

and we get so upset if people don’t read our blogs, don’t we? we’re all like, why don’t people like what i have to say? i’m going to go on strike FROM MY OWN BLOG and see if anyone notices. and then four months later we write a post laced in bitterness to our non-existant readers, starting with:

“sorry i haven’t posted in a while, not that anyone really reads this. (except you mom! love you!)”

it’s just a weird thing that we take so seriously and yet we don’t take seriously at all. we want people to read it and yet we say things like, “it’s my blog and i can say whatever i want.”

a blog can be a glorified journal, a scrapbook, a soapbox, a suggestion box to the world, a self-confidence booster or so many other things.

and because there are no rules to blogging, i find myself in doubt and in indecision. do i write a blog to please people or to please myself? how diplomatic should i be? should i write to my readers or should i write for my own pleasure and good, regardless of who reads.

i think the most difficult question i ask myself about blogging is, “what should i write about?” i’m usually asking the more specific question: “how much of my life do i share with this reader’s of mine?”

but that’s the thing, there are actually people who read this thing [i’m still amazed]. i get embarrassed by how many people read this thing. i instantly think, oh my goodness, what do they think of me? do they hate me? do i annoy them? do they expect me to be this hilarious in real life? 

i love this whole blogging business, i keep coming back to it obviously, but i find myself trying to find the purpose of all of it. because it’s just a funny thing to do when you think about it.

for now, my purpose is write about my life, to receive feedback (which so far has been good), and to enjoy the learning process. i may not do exactly what you all expect of me, like have a beautiful and well-thought out list of goals every year, month or week. but i will be honest with you and i will try my very darndest to make it funny and interesting to read. so there you have it, that’s what you can expect of me this year.

trailer park life


you know you live in a trailer park when…

you’re driving out of the t-park at 7:45am and you see not one, or two, but SIX yellow school buses turn in to the trailer park within a three minute timespan. and at this point, you determine that at least four people in your trailer park are school bus drivers by trade.

i’m sure there are more.


this week, i have found myself in tears multiple times. it’s hard to describe the sorrow i have felt for two beautiful families whom i hardly know. and the sadness i feel thinking of two wonderful lives ending.

jobin’s [my brother-in-law] mom died early this week. i only had the pleasure of meeting lilly twice in my life, but she was such an inspiring woman. she truly lead her life humbly, serving others to the fullest of her extent. she was beautiful and wise and everyone that knew her well didn’t hesitate to give her all the respect and honor she deserved.

eli horn was a precious almost-eight-year-old boy who died this morning. i had never met him, but his family attended cornerstone church in ames before they moved to a variety of treatment locations for eli. the community in ames and beyond that has gathered around this family since 2007 has been nothing short of a true church.

it may seem silly that i am so heartbroken over two people i don’t know, but the body of Christ has bonded us together. lilly is my sister and eli is my brother in Christ. i feel more connected with them than i do many others in this world. i weep at the thought of them being gone from this earth, it’s so upsetting to think of the feelings of those closest to them.

i’m thankful these two souls are with their Creator. i’m thankful i’ll meet them in heaven, and know them even better when we’re there together. i’m thankful that our God is rejoicing in them joining Him, but also comforting those of us left on this earth.

i just felt the need to share these stories on here today. it feels so strange that the whole world isn’t stopped right now.

so, to lilly and eli, i can’t wait to meet you in heaven!