In the past five years of my life, I’ve found myself a little bit. Or at least discovered that it is a thing to “find yourself.” For much of my life, I was content being whoever everyone else wanted me to be. That is, until I was hurt badly and felt lost without the people I was trying so hard to please. In my loss and by God’s grace, I ran to Jesus. And for the 100th time in my life, Jesus reminded me that He wants all of me, not just the parts I’ve tried to offer up to Him, not just the parts I think are clean and good enough for Him. He wants all of me, even the ugly parts, even the parts I haven’t discovered yet.
So for the past 5-6 years, I’ve been finding myself. Finding myself in Jesus, first and foremost. I’m learning how to love and pour into people while relying on the Holy Spirit to do so. These years have easily been the most rewarding years of my life so far – life is so much better when we give all of ourselves to Him! (I totally get that I’m not the first person to discover this, but it’s an exciting discovery none the less!)
This may sound random, but one of the ways I’ve found myself (or rather, God has shown me myself) has been in my love to create. I am a creative being made by a perfect Creator. I love to write and make things and conjure up new ideas. I love these things, and I’m beginning to feel validated in these things.
I have this unspoken ambition to become a pro-blogger slash craft-maker. Whoops, now it’s not really unspoken, is it? Well, there, it’s out there.
I dream of being a mom someday, but also working for myself, from my home and contributing to our family’s income. I would be perfectly happy with just the first part of that dream, but more and more I can see the whole thing in my mind.
I never thought this would be a dream of mine (the second part). But somehow, this is where I am, timidly reaching for this little, unimportant dream. It’s not so much about the dream though, it’s about who God created me to be. I’m a unique person, with unique gifts and struggles and my life has greatly benefitted from challenges that I don’t think I can accomplish on my own.
What has God shown you about yourself lately?